Recovery

Bob’s photo for this blog shows the light shining through the forest of Hurricane Ridge in Washington. Sometimes light comes to us in ways we didn’t foresee.

BEYOND THE “BLUES”: CHRISTMAS HOPE WAS BORN AT NIGHT

Christmas has always been my favorite time of year. Even though some Christmas holidays have been difficult emotionally or financially, I am still convinced the winter holidays are the most wondrous time of year.

The nights are longer, and the winter may seem darker. However, the light that is present in all of us is strong enough to give us hope for the new year and happiness in the moments we have left in this year.

This season has presented multiple challenges for me, especially in overcoming health issues. So many friends and family members are going through difficulties as well. I have found it hard to distinguish what has been making me feel deep sadness off and on during this holiday time. Is it my own feelings or the ripple of emotions from those around me?

Turning within, rather than looking at the world of outer effects, I had a thought: hope is born in the darkest times. Faith lights the candle that is started from hope. That flame guides us until we see there is a brighter dawn.

The Christ child was not born in a comfortable palace during convenient daylight hours. But there was a star above the holy family and a light within the baby. We have the same light.  According to many texts, we also have the same possibility to make miracles.

That’s what I am requesting this holiday season. For my friends and family that are battling cancer and heart problems, I am proclaiming health. For those that are barely making ends meet, it’s time for gainful employment and having pleasant living conditions. For those that are recovering from grief over the death or loss of a loved one, I see them spiritually renewed.

As for the world, we are all connected by invisible energy that becomes visible when our works are driven by thoughts of love. Good thoughts from one heart can heal hundreds of hearts that are miles away.

I’ll just include a closing phrase that sums up all the yuletide possibilities: PEACE ON EARTH. GOOD WILL TO ALL.

The peaceful picture at the top of my blog was taken by the love of my life, Bob Haine. He shot it in San Francisco’s Golden Gate Park last March while I was attending a Hay House convention where Doreen Virtue was the keynote speaker. The photo is a beautiful lead-in to my first public writing of my very private life. The green of the old oak and the green of the stream present the balance I look for in life. That is the theme of this blog.


FINDING BALANCE: SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO LET GO TO KNOW IT’S ALREADY GONE

I did something rather amazing this week. I changed my name. No, I did not make up a new one, or create a pen name, or even change my name that much. I decided to go back to using the name that I was born with: Kathleen. Not Kathy or Kathi, the names I had picked up along the way. But my real name, the name I was meant to be.

Why do this, one might ask? Simple. I realized why I had changed the name in the first place. It was an unconscious attempt to get rid of my past. Many people have a past they would like to forget. My mind was very accommodating in that regard. Except for a few, limited memories, I had pretty much forgotten the scenes of my childhood. This week, however, I started to remember. More importantly, I learned how to put it in its place, pick up the pieces, integrate it, dump out the garbage, and claim the parts that I still loved. Nothing was wasted in the experience.

I have two reasons for sharing this in text. I find it cathartic for me. But I think my main motivation is to help others who may have had similar situations in their life, or are going through it now, or who are really earnest about getting empowered to be the person that they were meant (and CHOOSE) to be. I realize that I am mainly writing for women, because my experience is from the female point of view. Yet, I speak to the needs of everyone, because giving and accepting love, being peaceful, having boundaries, and knowing we are powerful beings who are never alone, are things we all need.

If anyone is offended by what I have to write, let it roll off their backs like the rain and water someone else’s garden. The people who would be most upset or embarrassed by my words are dead and buried. I wish them nothing but love. Forgiveness costs nothing but the peace of mind is priceless.

I was given a “rose” of a life. Roses have thorns. One just needs to learn how to cultivate a rose while avoiding getting stuck. And every true gardener knows the oldest, thorniest roses have the very best fragrance.

Back to my title…finding balance. To live life completely NOW I have decided to put the past away, keep the lessons and love I got from it. I plan to restore harmony to my life in my way of seeing things, doing things, and being however I choose to be. I know that accepting who I am now is the first step toward becoming who I want to be. Others will benefit by the ripple effect of this change. Even if everyone else doesn’t notice I am different, I will know it. The inside relationship is what really matters.

Yesterday evening, I did a little ritual to finalize my departure from a previous life and entry into a new one. I burned some old photographs in a pretty abalone shell, I buried the ashes in the dirt, I said a few prayers, took a warm, salt bubble bath, and had peaceful dreams all night.

This is not a journey that ends here. Perhaps you would like to take it with me. I invite you to do so. I will be writing every week in the coming year. My birthday is next week. Writing is the present I give to myself. I will be sixty-two, a senior citizen. As far as I am concerned, I was just reborn and I am very, very young at heart.